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literature
Masquerade
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Literature Text
Put on your mask to face the masses
Leave unknown the angst within
Dance and laugh as you make your passes
Hide all that others think grim.
Don your costume and join the party
On surface, at least, rejoice
Make shine those emotions most gaudy
Speak blithely, yet mute your voice.
Hidden, buried, tucked neatly away
A grief that would others weep
Despair creeps in, no longer at bay
And tears accompany sleep.
Leave unknown the angst within
Dance and laugh as you make your passes
Hide all that others think grim.
Don your costume and join the party
On surface, at least, rejoice
Make shine those emotions most gaudy
Speak blithely, yet mute your voice.
Hidden, buried, tucked neatly away
A grief that would others weep
Despair creeps in, no longer at bay
And tears accompany sleep.
[Summer 2003] Have you ever felt uncomforatable in your skin?
© 2004 - 2024 jeconner
Comments10
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Okay. This is brilliant. I really like it a lot. This is the sort of stuff that jumps into my brain at three in the morning. One suggestion. One question.
Actually...never mind! LOL! I figured it out! You've set up a lovely rhthym of 9-7-9. You maintain the meter every well throughout. Lines seven and nine however, both seem to flow differently off the tongue. Line seven merely needs to be read correctly, with emphasis on the proper syllablbes. Line nine however just feels a bit off to me, and does detract a little from the overall piece. If you don't mind a suggestion for an alternate wording?
Hidden, buried, tucked neatly away
Grief that can make others weep
Despair creeps in, no longer at bay
And tears accompany sleep.
That might take away from what you're trying to relay here... I don't know. I hope I haven't given offense at all.
I really do love this piece and think that with a tiny edit it could be so much more dynamic and pleasing to read. Do keep up the excellent work!
Actually...never mind! LOL! I figured it out! You've set up a lovely rhthym of 9-7-9. You maintain the meter every well throughout. Lines seven and nine however, both seem to flow differently off the tongue. Line seven merely needs to be read correctly, with emphasis on the proper syllablbes. Line nine however just feels a bit off to me, and does detract a little from the overall piece. If you don't mind a suggestion for an alternate wording?
Hidden, buried, tucked neatly away
Grief that can make others weep
Despair creeps in, no longer at bay
And tears accompany sleep.
That might take away from what you're trying to relay here... I don't know. I hope I haven't given offense at all.
I really do love this piece and think that with a tiny edit it could be so much more dynamic and pleasing to read. Do keep up the excellent work!